a success.

3:36AM is what is stated at the bottom right of my desktop.
today i got to school at like 10am cos i was so tired for last night. One of my bestest friends anna nguyen got into a car accident & i stayed back to help her talk to the police & look after her family. I cant tell you how worried i was about her. Well anyways, school was pretty normal. Actually today wuldve been pretty normal if one thing didnt happen ; phil came over my place. hahahs obviously i SNEAKED him in ! i wuldnt have the guts to let him walk right thru the front door with both my aunty & uncles & parents just sitting there talking. but it was good. phil just got home like 15mins ago. he fell asleeep lol hahahahs. hes so adoreable :]
i love him so much. & i know it for sure. I do still feel bad for her but i know that if i let him go i wuldnt be as happy & might never get the chance back.
its funny cos back then he liked me & he sed to not worry about it cos he'll never get me anyways. & to be honest i thought he was right. but unexpected things happen at the times your least aware of. he was here from 8pm - 3am & im missing him already :(

thuylinhle&philongnguyenforever.

us { est. 1996 }

we cried while we talked. we reminisce while we typed. i miss her while she did too. i hope we slowly sort things out. i hate myself for what i did to you. i really do hate myself. & i am really sorry.

letting it go

i think im over it now, im going to stick with phil through this. In my mind now & then hieu diep pops up. oh godd i miss him so much =( its tragic. but we both know where its gona end again. & we both know whats best. he still likes me.. isnt that sweet ? hes so adoreable i must admit. we had a strong bond. I so dearly miss hieu. but phil is what i need now. phil makes me happy. i shuldnt take him for granted. i should appreciate. & i do.

I know you've probably experienced more hurt then i have ever in my life
cause ive heard your stories, and you can cope with so much, im different, its always been me getting broken up with, unless that person that i loved had pushed me away on purpose.
But when i left you, I chose to let go, I chose to not be with you or have you.
I regret it when im sitting here thinking of you and how you've moved on.
Seeing you close to someone else isn't easy, obviously.
But yeah, if i keep it all in then i wont cause such hassle to you.
Just to let you move on & live your life.

its now & then ?

holding anothers hand while im missing him.

right or wrong ?

so, his name was philong nguyen. we met way before we started to like each other. he first came to my school & dated my use-to-be friend, nga kim. to be honest i thought it was stupid really, i never was into the whole interschool dating kinda thing & basically everyone who knew me well would know that for a certain fact. & so they dated & she would frequently tell me about him & her's relationship. i wuld try to help out but honestly, hahas i was never really interested. Cos i never talked to that guy philong, & another fact ; i hate talking about anonymous people in my life. i didnt know him, i knew OF him. i always refered to him as " nga's bf " even though i clearly knew his name. this is to show how much of strangers we were. & also, i always found nga kinda annoying & immature ( no offence aye ). So anyways, about 10months later, the break up began. & its funny becos i dont remember why but me & phil started talking then. we started becoming ' actual ' friends. Maybe it was becos he came to talk to amy nguyen ( one of my closest friends ) & then sat with us & then started talking to us altogether. & we all started to bitch & make fun about nga & encouraged him to move on. A little flashback detail - * Nga & Amy use to be best friends * I think the break up was something that involved amy too. Well at least nga assumed it was amys fault & philong wasnt taking ngas side for this. So, being friends with phil was normal. I remember pissing him off once cos i made fun of him being ngas bf & he didnt speak to me or anyone for the rest of the day. But yeahh, we became closer & closer reeeeal slowly. But he took it further then i did at the start ; he liked me. & unfortunately his offer was rejected. I didnt see him that way, only as a real close guy friend that makes me laugh. At that time, i got back with my ex hieu diep, & so we dated again for awhile & things became normal again. Me & phil were what i wanted us to be, best of friends. Then came MY turn for the break up. Hieu didnt feeel anything towards me anymore so it ended, just like that. There was little i could do.
It came the night of the school dance :] me & phil went & met up with each other, we spent the whole night acting very " couple-ly ". After that though, we didnt take it any further, just took our time & he was still a close guy friend to me. I guess one of the reason i started liking him was becos he was always there as a friend, though a little bit more, & i was always use to having a boyfriend. I guess he was there for me & i felt very comfortable around him. He always made me laugh & heres another fact for you ; i like guys with humour ;) & so from then on we slowwwly grew. & now were seeing each other.
I know i sed i dont agree with interschool dating & yes how hyprocritical of me, but even sometimes now when i think deeply i ask myself " linh what the hell are you doing --' ? "
Nga started hating me for becoming close to phil but that wasnt a problem for me since i never liked the way she acted anyways. We argued, bitched, anything possible when it comes to girls hating. I had a problem with her & she was tryna act all suckup. I guess she hated me cos i was close to phil. Oh btw, i forgot to mention how much she loved him. It was a lot. & i mean obsessed. she was crazy about him. & till this day ; she still is.

So here i am tonight, after reading the last letter he wrote her when they were together, i feeel stupid ! i might hate her now, & i might like him a whole heap ; but i still feel bad. like i ruined everything for them. He was so into her & she still is into him. they were together, so close. & here i come. i dont blame her for hating me. i wuld hate myself if i wasnt in my own body. I think he does miss her sometimes, i think he just doesnt want to admit it. Everyone tells him to not get back with her, & for the sake of keeping friends & maybe, just MAYBEE for the popularity, he listens to them. I think he does still love her, at least a little. & now im left with not knowing what to do. Maybe, i should leave. Mmm.. im gona have a talk with him. but thats what i feeel for now. thinking negative.

& the wise words of mister tinn.kunn :

(1:06 AM) .tinn-kun™»:	aiish well linh..
(1:07 AM) .tinn-kun™»:	how did you ruin them exactly?

(1:07 AM) .tinn-kun™»: i dont even know how your involved?

(1:07 AM) - MsLi:	i dont know..
(1:07 AM) - MsLi:	i wasnt the reason they broke up
(1:07 AM) - MsLi:	but im his going-to-be nxt gf
(1:07 AM) - MsLi:	.. i feeel bad
(1:07 AM) .tinn-kun™»:	well then why are you sooo troubled about ruining their relationship

(1:08 AM) .tinn-kun™»:				and people move on linh
(1:09 AM) .tinn-kun™»:				soon enough nga will get over him and look forwardto her future life
(1:13 AM)MsLi: -				mmm..
(1:13 AM) .tinn-kun™»:				and besides
(1:13 AM) .tinn-kun™»:				dont think about that
(1:14 AM) .tinn-kun™»:				just care about
(1:14 AM) .tinn-kun™»:				who you love
(1:14 AM) .tinn-kun™»:				if you love phil
(1:14 AM) .tinn-kun™»:				then go for him
(1:14 AM) .tinn-kun™»:				but just ask yourself if hes gona be the right one for you

..hahas gotta love tinnh. adoreable kibum